Why I Sing by Alicia Mathewson

I can’t believe it’s been almost 3 months since I have blogged. wow.

I have had many blog entries in my head, though none of them made it to the page. Here are the top ten titles that passed through this evolving mind:

1. Bhakti Fest rocked my world, you should go next year.
2. Sweet September (just wrote it as a song instead – LISTEN here)
3. The fall on Cape Cod is miraculous – do I really live here?
4. When am I going to make real money? (self-worth is everything)
5. Have I told you about Derek O’Neill yet? Go play with him in Ireland (or wherever he is.)
6. Seriously, wake up and love yourself. It helps
7. Being an Aunt is pure joy
8. I keep having the same relationships over and over again – YIKES!
9. I love living with my Dad. Who knew?
10. Laugh and everything is easier

And here we are now for “Why I Sing”. All ready to write the blog and then….

My Uncle Paul has a heart attack and suddenly leaves the planet. As some of you may know from experience, when someone you love dies, everything changes.

Your sister calls you to watch her kids and you say yes. Your cousin needs a ride from the airport and you are grateful to have a car and the time to do it. Hugs (and food) abound. Love and kindness is flowing and miraculously inside what many of us feel is a horrible experience, there is so much love and healing, you can’t help but smile amidst the tears and shock.

This is why I sing. Because when I sing – all is present – love, fear, anger, sadness, truth, beauty, pain & joy.

In singing I acknowledge that I am human and I am Divine. I am the instrument that practices, so that the LOVE that I am comes through me with more and more ease, grace, and truth.

I have not always been a “good singer”. In fact, I didn’t make my college acapella group because I didn’t have a “good ear”. I remember singing in a chorus in my late teens and someone saying, “Alicia your scooping voice is great but when you sing in a group you can’t do that. Stay on pitch.” Not surprisingly, I chose to sing solo most of my life. Rejection can be very painful for me. And so I often avoid it at all costs.

And let me tell you, there IS a great cost to avoiding rejection.

My need to be perfect and not be rejected has kept me from many experiences – both personally and professionally. That is over now. I choose to be me, be free, sing out, and not care how “good” that is. Now, because I’ve been singing my whole life, the choice to INTENTIONALLY sing and learn to chant devotionally has been incredibly awakening for me..

So, what’s the difference between singing and chanting? Many people will answer this in different ways, because everyone can only speak from their experience. For me, chanting and devotionally singing has been liberating. Because some of my motivation to sing and perform was coming from thoughts like: “Please love me”, “I am not enough” “see me!” “Recognize me!” I often unconsciously created suffering for myself and others as a result of singing (or choosing not to sing out of fear). Chanting allows me to sit back into a space of self-love and acceptance. And then my singing and chanting is in service of my own being and all beings. The practice of chanting exactly as I am, allows me to release old programs like, “I am not enough”. Instead I say, “I am the instrument through which this song comes. May it be peaceful and in service.”

In this practice of chanting and singing intentionally, I apply specific spiritual teachings I have learned, ones like: “I am not the doer”. And “I create my own reality” You know these two teachings? These two infuriatingly paradoxical teachings? When I sing and when I chant, I allow my consciousness to hold the truth of both these vibrations. Through my voice – which is also a vibration, I allow myself to shine in service of my well-being and the well-being of others.

Anyone can do this at any level. In fact, if you think you can’t sing or you don’t like your voice, to begin a chanting and/or singing practice will absolutely transform your life. Imagine releasing your self from the false notion that you can’t sing. Imagine hearing your own voice and loving it.

Be still. Listen to your voice. Love your voice. Share your voice and together we will support each other with kindness, courage, and laughter as we come into exactly who we are. Love. Here to Serve.

And so….

This is why I sing AND why I chant. It gives me courage and joy as I wake each day and face my own fears and the fears of our world. As I allow myself to see the truth in every moment, I breathe and chant and sing and listen.

Can you hear the song of love? YES.
Can you hear the song of joy? YES.
Can you hear the song of anger? YES
Can you hear the song of loss? YES

Can you feel how it’s all here to bring us back to our selves? YES.

So sing it. Whatever it is, sing it and let yourself be free.

As one of my new songs says “In every pain there is a pleasure, and in time you will see, every pleasure has its pain, be still now and be free”

Join us at Creacon in Ireland this December and Sing Your True Song – whatever that is.

And enjoy this special chant H’oponopono that I did during my 40 and Fabulous campaign

LOVE LOVE LOVE!

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